


Just Like Telling Jokes (the timing is everything)

by ShadowsOffense



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/F, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-22
Updated: 2014-01-22
Packaged: 2018-01-09 16:48:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1148455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowsOffense/pseuds/ShadowsOffense
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>EDI tries to use pickup lines, but never actually manages to complete the whole thing.</p><p>OR</p><p>EDI figuratively falls on her face a couple of times, Traynor literally falls on her face once, and then Joker steps in to help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Like Telling Jokes (the timing is everything)

“Did it hurt?”

Traynor bit back a groan, having forgotten, for a moment in the empty corridor, that on _the Normandy_ there was no such thing as an unwitnessed moment of gracelessness. So much for being grateful that no one had seen her trip over absolutely nothing. “Yes EDI,” Traynor broke off as her ankle strenuously protested her attempt to stand back up. Gritting her teeth, she forced herself to slowly put weight on it. “It hurt,” she gasped out, tears in her eyes. It really, really hurt. “Call Chakwas for me?”

* * *

It was strange, seeing EDI in person. The body definitely fit the voice and it was an effort to focus on EDI’s face. An effort which she absolutely made, because EDI would be able to tell to the nanosecond how long Traynor had spent looking at which parts of her body.

Slightly glowing grey eyes blinked once, slowly. “I think there is something wrong with my optical sensors,” EDI announced.

Traynor had Tali on the comm before EDI even had a chance to tell her what, exactly, was wrong.

* * *

Traynor hated her dress uniform, it was heavy and confining and looked ridiculous on her. It was, rightly, meant for someone with a soldier’s build. She felt like a child playing dress up and, at the same time, felt selfish for caring about how she looked when so many people on the ship were grieving. Shepard, especially, had been close to the Salarian doctor. 

“Are those space pants?” EDI piped up as Traynor took the lift down with her and Joker.

Closing her eyes, Traynor sighed, not in the mood for what she assumed was EDI’s attempt to lighten the mood. “Not now, EDI.”

* * *

“Alright,” Joker glanced over at EDI in the copilot’s chair. It had been bugging him all day; he couldn’t take it any more. “Are you going to tell me what that was about, or am I going to have to guess?”

She did not, could not really, look away or blush, but he could practically hear her calculating her options in the short moment of silence before she answered. Overall, he’d guess she was nervous.

“I am attempting to enter a romantic relationship with Specialist Traynor.”

It took a moment for meaning to penetrate through her matter-of-fact tone. He coughed, inhaling some spit, and sending spasms of pain through his body.

“Are you alright Jeff?”

He blinked his eyes clear to find she was looking over at him with concern. “Fine,” he waved it away with a hand, more interested in getting back to her revelation. “Are you serious? I mean romance? With Traynor? Can you even do that?” Had his voice always been that high?

“To what aspect of my statement are you expressing doubt?” There was a hard edge to her tone and he winced. It wasn’t that he thought she was just some machine, that she couldn’t feel, emotionally, but, well, crap.

“The, uh, sexual attraction part.” He blushed. Dammit, Garrus better not find out about this. 

EDI paused and something in her demeanor seemed to relax. “After a fashion.” Her tone was definitely friendlier. “This body can not feel in the same way organics do; it is unlikely I will be able to experience an orgasm should we enter into a physical relationship, but that does not mean I do not desire her. I find myself drawn to her more so than any other crew member. She occupies large parts of my processing- that is, I think about her and my thoughts are not all cerebral. I find myself wanting to know how she would react to my hands on her skin; I am not simply curious about it, I desire it. So, yes.”

Joker swallowed. “Wow, ok, so...” he ran a hand through his hair. EDI looked too damn innocent for teasing and ribald jokes. Garrus had really better not find out about this; he’d never be able to live down this moment of emotional maturity, playing relationship counselor to a robot. “What seems to be the problem?”

EDI frowned faintly. “I can not seem to deliver the appropriate phase that is intended to instigate romance. I have insured that my timing is optimal, but Specialist Traynor always gives a unique response and I find myself unable to complete the line.” 

“What part of optimal timing included hitting on her on the way to a funeral?” Joker asked incredulously, before he could stop himself.

Thankfully she wasn’t offended. EDI gave him one of her slow blinks. “Her change of outfit to a uniform unique to space travel seemed to indicate that that was an appropriate moment to use that line.” She tilted her head to the side. “Was that incorrect?”

“Generally you don’t hit on people at funerals; or in the time around them,” Joker advised. “And generally you might what to lead with something more flatter... wait.” An awful suspicion came to him. That could not possibly be right. “What do you mean by ‘line’?”

“My observations of those crew members interested in beginning romantic relationships with human females, mainly you and Engineer Daniels, indicated that the successful delivery of a ‘pickup line’ was essential to the success of that relationship.”

Joker’s mouth dropped open, torn between horror and laughter. “I’d facepalm right now if I didn’t think it would break something,” he told her seriously. Really? Himself and Kenneth? God, she was lucky Traynor was still talking to her. “Look,” he cut EDI off as her mouth opened. “Just tell her you’re interested in her, that you think about her, no pickup lines. And compliment her eyes.” Last time he checked, girls liked that last bit.

EDI mulled over his words. “Perhaps you are right. Thank you Jeff.”

“Don’t mention it,” he turned back to his work, hoping she would do the same. “Seriously,” he whispered to himself. “Don’t.”


End file.
